i think i'm in the seventh grade.

on saturday afternoon, my friend stevie called to invite me to a cookout at her house on sunday night. i happily said yes, and because i like this sort of thing, offered to basically split the hostessing efforts with her. so we made our grocery lists and invitation list. while i baked brownies and such, she called everyone.

i arrived at her house early sunday evening to prepare... burgers and chicken, chips, baked beans, fruit, brownies and ice cream... for about fifteen people. now, those of you who enjoy hosting friends know that there is a certain amount of excitement that comes with the preparation, even if it is just grilling burgers and even if it is for people you already know well. the effort you go to isn't a burden - it is something you enjoy doing for other people. it had been quite some time since i had seen any of these people or even helped with something like this, so i was looking forward to the whole thing.

well, besides stevie and myself, two people showed up. TWO. and i dont mean that the others came late. or that they called to say they were lost. or that they called to say that something else came up that required their presence. or that they have called stevie since then to acknowledge that they said they would attend but didn't show up.

the four of us did have a good time that night, but it was overshadowed by the fact that we had expectations and food for fifteen.

now i know that this isn't the end of the world. but it is an example of why i had previously given up on making an effort to spend time with these "friends." i had been so irritated at their selfishness and immaturity in other situations that it had become more stressful than fun to hang out with them. when i would begin calling to invite them out, they always had to know who else was going. you see, people as insecure and gossip-y as them can't go anywhere without the right combination. more than once, an evening would fizzle AFTER i got to someone's house because they would find out who was and wasn't going. and you know how much a girl likes to get ready, only to have nowhere to go.

surprisingly, i am talking about males rather than females. i thought only women had rules about who they could and couldn't be seen with. what guy repeatedly acts like that?? but i thought that maybe things had changed... maybe i was overreacting to past behavior... maybe i needed to try again...

honestly, i will not be surprised in the LEAST if i find out that several of them went out together somewhere else. my disgust with them stems from many, many previous interactions like this. sunday night was just the icing on the cake.

so, i'm moving on. if they want to see me, they can make an effort. and they will - when their girlfriends dump them or when they finally get fed up with each other. and i'm pretty sure i won't be willing to try again. and i don't feel bad about that. i can forgive them and not be mad and yaddda yadda yadda, but i don't have to set myself up to be slighted by them for the millionth time.

i am so happy to have a select few friends who are consistently wonderful - some who live around the corner and some who live far away. they know who they are. they make all the difference.