i can explain, officer.

before i went out of town last weekend, i thought through what my car might need for the drive, like an oil change, etc. and i realized that my tags had expired. in january.

so on a day when i didn't have the time to take care of that, i had to take care of it. i started by looking up the TN DPS website to get a phone number so i could call and make sure i had everything i needed in hand before actually driving to the place. i call and this is what i hear: "the number you are dialing has been disconnected. please hang up and try again." it was a sign of things to come.

so i drive to the location listed on the DPS website under all the questions & answers about car registration and driver's license stuff. it happens to be in the same business park area as my office. i go in and they tell me that, while it is the right place to register a car for the first time, it is not the place to renew said registration. i need to go to the county clerk's office, which is nowhere nearby.

so instead i can go to the police precinct down the street. i stand in line there behind five other people renewing registration. when i get to the window, i remember that the state of tennessee requires an emissions test prior to renewal. the nice man gives me printed directions to the emissions testing place.

so i leave and follow the mapquest directions which, of course, dont mention the fact that a street name has changed. so a few extra miles later, i arrive at the emissions testing place. where i see a sign that reads, "$10. cash only." i have $7 in cash.

so i drive to the gas station down the street where i can't just over-pay $10 for my gas because they have an on-site atm machine. which charges me an extra $2 for using it.

my car passes the emissions test and i drive back to the police precinct. stand in line again, and hand the guy my paperwork. he looks puzzled. i say, "don't give me bad news." he says, "you aren't in the state's system. anywhere."

the week before this, i received in the mail an envelope stuffed with copies of letters from the state which were backdated throughout the entire last year. i never received the originals in the first place, mind you. the final letter was a denial of my request to register my car in the state of tennessee.

so it seems my registration has been invalid for quite some time. we think we figured out that the credit union in texas didnt respond to the state's request for the car title a year ago. or the state never requested it in the first place. who knows.

the nice man says, "you are in metro's system, but technically i am not supposed to renew this for you since you aren't in the state's system." i explain that i didnt want a million dollar ticket out of state that weekend that i would later have to defend in person. he says, "okay, but if it comes up, you don't know me."

and guess what? when i get the title, i will have to pay the $79 again to register it correctly. if that is more than three months from now, i will also have to pay the $10 emissions test again. and once i move tomorrow, i will live in a different county, which also requires re-registration. i'll be saving all three of those things to do at once, so here's hoping i don't get pulled over between now and then.

in case you didn't know, the state is not required to mail your registration renewal to you. they do it "as a courtesy," so you are still responsible for making sure you are up to date whether or not they mail it to you. the five people in line ahead of me had not received theirs in the mail. of course, i didn't receive mine because they didn't know i was driving in their state.