Ivan the Great

After careful consideration of Scott's suggestion to call Verizon employees "poopheads" and Renae's offer to have them all fired, I decided instead to visit the Verizon store one more time.

I opted for the store in the ritzy part of town, as opposed to the one in my neighborhood, hoping for better attitudes.

Him: "Hey, sorry you had to wait so long. How can I help you tonight?"
Me: "No problem. Hey, where's your nametag? I'm gonna need to know who to brag on when you fix this issue with my phone."
He laughs and puts his nametag on.
Me: "Okay Ivan, here's the thing..."

I explain the issues.
He actually looks me in the eye and listens to everything I say. He asks me lots of diagnostic questions.

Him: "Yeah, that shouldn't be happening. Well, I'm sure you know this is out of warranty, so here's what we can do..."
After each option, he agreed with me that they weren't exactly good options.
Me: "And Ivan, you can see there that I brought this problem to Verizon's attention back when it was under warranty. Now I'm sure if I had brought the phone to YOU, then you would have correctly diagnosed the problem, and I wouldn't be here now. Surely there is something you can do, now that I've come to the right place."
Him: "Welllll.... hold on, Laura."

He disappears to a back room.
He reappears with a box containing a phone exactly like mine.

Him: "Okay, since I happen to have your exact phone, we can probably work something out."
Me: "You're on the right track, Ivan."

He zooms through the computer system, clicking and typing, overriding the warranty issue to make this transaction. The store manager walks up and mills about behind the counter. So I take this opportunity to say to Ivan, "You know, this store has got the Rivergate location beat on customer service. You are faster and more respectful to the customers." Store manager's ears perk up, and another guy tells me he had recently asked to be transferred here from that location.

Him: "Your total is going to be about $70 for this switch."
Me: "Really? *sigh* I appreciate how helpful you have been, but that is a little more than I was hoping to pay to get this issue solved. Is there any arrangement that would cost less?"
Him: "Well... not really. I know $70 is a lot though."
Me: "Well, as you can see, I am a good customer. I pay my bills on time. I even signed up for online billing, so you guys don't even have to mail me a statement. See? I'm saving YOU money! How 'bout a good customer discount?"

He laughs, and disappears to the magic back room again.
And back.

Him: "How about $52?"
Me, whispering: "Any pesky two-year contracts?"
Him, whispering: "Well... no, guess not."
Me: "Deal."

And I got a 90-day warranty.

I hereby reaffirm my lifelong theory: It never hurts to ask. Or to ask someone else when the first person says no.